Power of the Wingman
When I left Philadelphia two and a half months ago for South Florida, it was for all the correct reasons. In an economy when my closest friends are stuck in neutral at work, losing benefits or becoming unemployed altogether, I had an opportunity to advance my career. And moving to a perpetually warm climate was an added bonus. But I’ve found that rebuilding a network of friends in my new home is more time consuming than expected. To be honest, having my core group of friends throwing distance from my front porch for the past four years spoiled me. A quick text and we’d be off to dinner or the local pub within minutes. But in South Florida, all that’s within walking distance is the mailbox and my car. My efforts have yielded favorable results, but I quickly learned building and maintaining relationships here would be a grueling task.
Before I get into how I’ve been building my network, it is best to describe my social life when I arrived in South Florida. It was in disarray. I was fresh off a 12 hour Independence Day barbecue thirty feet above Philadelphia, culminating a forty five day goodbye bender. When I landed in West Palm Beach, it was the Sunday afternoon before my first day of work. I was exhausted and arrived to a bare room with nothing but a bed. And compounding the situation was excitement over starting a new position, uncertainty if this was the correct decision and fear of barely knowing anyone beside my grandmother. Intimidation is an understatement. But lets face it, you aren’t reading this post to hear me lament.
I spent my first week getting settled in my new home; furnishing my room, bonding with my new roommates and acquiring my first car in four years. Once all the necessities were taken care of, it was time to hit the street and meet people. I started with the network closest to home, my roommates. One was new to the area in a mildly better situation than myself, but the other had lived in the area for nearly four years. Within the first few weeks the latter and I went out a handful of times to local hotspots. Seeing West Palm Beach with her was helpful but being out with a platonic female acquaintence doesn’t provide the best results. I needed a wingman.
When searching for a wingman it’s important to find a friend who compliments your style and won’t compete with you. Enter Mike, an acquaitence of mine from college whom I had lost touch with several years ago. When I was traveling to Florida on a temporary basis, I reached out to him on Facebook to reconnect. And paramount to the values of the fraternity we were members of in college, he ungrudgingly invited me to dinner with his girlfriend and offered to show me around. What’s important to note about Mike is that he is a forthright individual providing unintimidated conversations with any audience willing to listen. As an example, Mike ran into former Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino at a local Apple store. After engaging in a superficial conversation about non-football topics for a few minutes he asks Marino if he really uses NutriSystem, the weight loss system he endorses. Quickly the conversation turned from friendly banter to a cold shoulder. Like I said, he’s blunt. Mike’s style is a direct contrast to my calm and collected demeanor, a style I developed dealing with customers at work. Experience taught me that being friendly and empathetic with a side of humility exponentially improves business relationships. Where Mike will incite riots, I act as a neutralizer keeping the peace. Instantly, Mike and I became a dynamic duo in social situations. His at-times callous comments break the ice to strangers and my modesty keeps the conversations going. Add that Mike is happily attached to a tolerant girlfriend, he makes the perfect wingman.
To paint a picture, I will go back a few weeks to one of our first tests. Enjoying a guys night out at Roxy’s Pub in West Palm Beach, Mike and I were watching opening night of the NFL where the Pittsburgh Steelers were playing the Tennessee Titans. A raucous woman — lets call her Amy, clearly made her allegiance to the Steelers known interrupting our conversation. Mike is a fan of the Baltimore Ravens, a division rival to the Steelers, and voiced his displeasure over Amy’s cheering. “Do you want to go?” Amy retorts in Mike’s direction and I respond that she should be careful what she asks for. Mike and I return to our beverages, chicken wings and conversation when we soon notice someone looming behind our stools. We turn around and Amy has walked over to us demanding an explanation over our displeasure with her beloved Pittsburgh Steelers. After several jibs over which team will win the AFC North, I steer the conversation away from Football. We share laughs over flirtatious teasing and we learn a bit about Amy. She is a flight attendant holed over in Florida for the night, her best friend recently engaged in coitus with her brother and me not requiring a seatbelt extension on an airplane was worth big points to her. We also learned she enjoys chicken wings and had terrible hand-eye coordination. Unfortunately, the night ended without a successful exit as her first officer scooped her up despite her pleas to stay. But there are plenty of nights like this one in our future.
Aside from meeting flight attendants in bars, a good wingman helps build real friendships. Mike has introduced me to his friends which has helped build a decent social network in a short amount of time. Informal dinner parties, nights out and other assorted explorations are all paramount to a healthy personal life. When I reflect back on my first day here, it’s hard to believe I ever had a doubt.
Posted on September 21st, 2009 | By: bootstrap economist | Filed under Personal Finance
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